Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
