So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
