In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
