I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
