I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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