I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
