Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
