I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
