he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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