But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
