it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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