I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
