just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
