that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
