There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
