Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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