omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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