I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I think my vagina is haunted
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
where are you?
Hypothermia
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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