i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
