alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
