You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
