He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
