why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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