He is an equal opportunity slut.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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