New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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