if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
