Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Acid is not a monday night drug
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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