I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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