I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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