you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
When are your genitals available?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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