I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
