Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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