Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
