So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
