I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Dick very happy bro
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
