You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
