I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
