the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Welp...herpes.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
