Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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