Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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