I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
