Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
