I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
