That's intense
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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