I cockslap morals
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
