I hate all girls vehemently.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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