Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
