Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
