Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
