Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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