Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Randomize
