I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
