then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
