you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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