Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
